It can be helpful to think of your ethical principles as non-reversible commitments to yourself.

I have referred in the past to Barry Schwartz’s fantastic book The Paradox of Choice. My point in that column was that it is useful when making a commitment, as much as possible, to make that commitment non-reversible.

This is not always appropriate, of course. There is much to be said for the freedom to change one’s mind. But there is so much anxiety that can be created by continually considering and re-considering the decisions and commitments you have made; wondering whether there might be something better: a better mate, a better house, a better car, a better job, a better stereo system. A person can spend far too much time second-guessing what he or she has committed to.

Remember the old traditional marriage vows? “…For better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.”

There are good reasons for these words, and other words of commitment like them, and these reasons are not just the ones you might think.

Of course there’s the obvious element of duty, of keeping your commitments to others to establish trust and to maintain an honorable reputation - with yourself as well as with others.

Then there’s the recognition that others are counting on you, and that your success or failure at sticking with your commitment to them will affect their lives, particularly when children are involved.

Martin Seligman pioneered the understanding of what is called “learned helplessness. He found that animals and people could get so used to not being able to act to improve their situation that they simply give up. This was a very important contribution to our understanding of depression and passivity.

In his book, Learned Optimism, he demonstrates how to learn, not helplessness, but its antithesis: optimism. The benefits of learning optimism are substantial. The studies have shown that there can be a difference of eight years between the life span of an optimistic person and that of a pessimistic person.

The optimist, of course, lives longer.

When one learns to be more optimistic, one can also expect to be healthier in general, to suffer less from depression, and to be more effective in one’s life. Optimists are happier and more resilient.

“Father, what is honor?”
“Honor, Son, is the gift that a man gives to himself.”
--from the 1995 movie “Rob Roy”

When you think of a person of integrity, what do you think of? Probably someone who is honest, who follows through on his or her commitments, who does what’s right even when it’s difficult, who walks his walk and talks his talk.

A simple way of thinking about integrity is congruence.

Integrity means that the various elements of your self are not disconnected or scattered about. What you believe is congruent with what you say. What you say is congruent with what you do.

What do you believe? What do you value? What is meaningful to you?