At a conference in Las Vegas a couple months ago, I had the opportunity to meet and chat with Dr. Joel Wade, a psychotherapist who has dedicated his career to discovering what it means to live well.  As a life coach, his practice is about helping people create and embody a truly extraordinary life.

His lecture was “Mastering Happiness: Practical Skills and Ideas for Living Well.”  When Dr. Wade uses the word happiness, however, he isn’t talking about more parties, laughter or high times. He’s referring to something larger:  having a sense that you are flourishing, of feeling fully satisfied with your life.

This is something we all desire, consciously or unconsciously, and virtually anyone can move closer to this ideal.  Living a more satisfying life, Wade insists, is a skill that can be developed.  It is mostly about the attitudes you embody and the choices you make.  Like any skill, however, it requires time, attention and dedication.

When I was a young psychology student I was fortunate to find a mentor in Nathaniel Branden. One day I asked him, "What do you think is the single most important thing that you do with your clients, the one thing that forms the foundation for everything else?"

His answer was simple, but it had a tremendous impact on me. It resonated deeply with core beliefs and values that I held, but didn't have the words for yet:

My son Jesse just asked me, "Dad, have you thought about writing a column about being done with something, and feeling good about being done with it?" Jesse had just completed his homework early, and was enjoying the feeling of both the burden lifted, and the joy of accomplishment.

Good idea, Jesse. So here goes.

(This is the text of a commencement speech I gave last week for a graduating 8th grade class. This private school in Santa Cruz, California goes from K-8; this graduating class happened to be all boys.)

First of all, I want to say congratulations. You are the graduating class from what I believe is the best school in Santa Cruz County.

What I love about this school is the combination of high expectations, along with a culture that encourages both a love of learning and good manners. All of these are important, as I will talk about this afternoon, not just because it helps you to become better people, better citizens, and better friends, but it is crucial for your own personal happiness as well.